Just a start...

A lot of things make sense now, looking back, but at the time I was more clueless than I have ever been in my life. Christmas Eve morning Brian walked through the door around 8:00am (after working his umpteenth overnight in a row).   Drained and exhausted from the chaos that is retail at the holidays he had just enough time for a quick snooze before we were off to my parent’s house to watch the Broncos game.   He nicely asked me if I would iron his new shirt, very sweet I thought to myself, he wants to look nice for his first Christmas Eve with my family.  I always remember loving my holiday dress (usually new) as a child and I still try to find something “cute” and a little bit more “fancy” than my everyday garb for Christmas Eve.

The amazing smell of Italian sausage filled the air as we walked into my parent’s house.  My sister and mom were busy in the kitchen, my brother and his girlfriend already settled for the game.  It was a typical afternoon watching football (besides the obvious fact that Dad was not there).  The end of the game was uneventful so I ran upstairs and put socks on my freezing feet.  When I came downstairs Brian announced that he had a little anniversary gift for me by the fire (our one year had been the day before).  Giddy that I was already getting to open a present (I might have been begging to do so for several days) I ran to the fireplace and opened a very neatly wrapped gift.  Brian moved closer, but I remained utterly and completely unaware that my sister and Chardae both had their cameras out.  I took my time, savoring opening my first gift.  Inside I found a beautiful jewelry box that I had noticed a few weeks before while shopping with Brian’s sister-in-law.  It is a precious, small silver box, about 4 inches by 4 inches, engraved with the words: Good Things Come in Small Packages.  Brian asked my to read it out loud, which I quickly did and then leaped up to give him a thank-you hug.  He looked at me and said, “Well, that’s what I got you!”  I replied, very matter-of-factly, “I know, I love it!” Seeing that I obviously was not getting the clue, he said, “I got you another small package.”  It was when I looked at him at this moment that I started to realize there was something else happening here.  I looked at him, “no you didn’t!” and to that he said, “Yes, I did,” and dropped to one knee.  I was immediately overcome with emotion… I had no idea this was going to happen!  “Jennifer Ryan” was the way he began as the world around me stopped.  At one point I had to reach out and grab his shoulder to hold myself up, as tears streamed down my face.  When he finished his words, I grabbed him and sobbed… it was my sister who finally asked if that was a yes.  Laughing I pulled back and said, “of course!” When I finally looked at the ring I was speechless. The best words I could muster up were to tell him he was so sneaky and ask him when he had done this!  As I got down on my knees in front of him and he slid the ring onto my finger I continued to laugh and cry, utterly lost in the moment with the love of my life.

It was perfect.  My words cannot begin to depict this moment in time.  It was more than I could have ever imagined… at my parents house with my mom, sister, brother and Chardae all there.  I have pictures and a video that I will cherish forever and someday show our children and grandchildren.  We toasted to champagne that my parents had bought in Napa Valley two weeks before he died.  And he surprised me… and it is the best surprise of my life!

**This is a rough draft in its finest form.  I want to go back to this piece and make it perfect.  It needs more explanation, more imagery, and more emotion.  But for tonight, this is all the energy I have left***