Stream of Thoughts

Giggling to myself I laid down, head aligned perfectly in the little headrest, reminiscing about the first time I ever had a massage and how nervous I was that I was so exposed underneath the blanket. Last night the only thought I had is that I certainly hope I pulled the lucky stick when it comes to massage therapists.  Maybe I should have told her to just work on my shoulders and neck, I know they are carrying a load of stress around.  Nah, what am I thinking, full body relaxation is what I need and why I came.  Okay, take a deep breathe, relax, she will be here any minute.  As her hands adjust the blanket on my body and she begins on my back I feel more settled.  She asks, “Is this firm enough or too light?” I tell her it is perfect and hope that she is not going to try to talk to me throughout this experience.  A minute passes, no more words, okay sigh of relief.  I am glad that I had time for a quick shower before I arrived; I know I was sticky from our walk around Red Rocks.  I can’t believe that Brian had never been there!  I guess he did not grow up five minutes away from its beauty like I did.  We should really start going to run stairs there like I did in high school.  Talk about embarrassing, how exhausted I was after one flight of stairs today.  Ugh, I am truly in the worst shape of my life!!!  Okay, that hurt, but that good massage kind of hurt.  Wait… go back to that spot… okay good you felt it too.  Wow, the left side of my back and neck hurt so much more than the right.  My heart is on the left side, maybe that is why; maybe it is holding more of the grief?  Could it be possible that my left side aches for my dad?  Something to consider I guess.  Maybe the love of Brian and family and friends and my kids is keeping the right side a little less knotted.  Unbelievable that same lack of balance I have been struggling with in my brain is evident in the tissues of my body.   Okay, that really hurts… keep going though… so glad you are good at what you do!  I hope it is all right that I left my ring on.  Oh I am sure she will work around it.  I wonder if she notices how beautiful it is?  I think it is perfect, the most beautiful ring around.  I still cannot believe I get to wear it everyday and will for the rest of my life.  Brian did good!  Hmmm, my right arm hurts.  Why does it hurt right there on my Tricep?  My arm has never hurt in a massage before… weird.  Listen to the music and chill out Jennifer.  This is relaxation time.  Turn your brain off.  Enjoy the peacefulness… I wish I could remember her name.  I will ask her at the end.  Please do not judge my legs, they used to have muscle, I promise.  Six months ago they were in the best shape they had been in since high school.  Who am I kidding she sees bodies of all kinds and shapes all day everyday.  I am sure she does not even notice anymore.  I am the one who is judging and I am supposed to be practicing kindness towards myself.  Hey, at least I shaved a couple of days ago.  Oh and my feet will be nice since I had a pedicure on Wednesday.  I am sure she sees some gross feet in this job!  I could not do this job.  I am a touch person.  I need to give and receive touch, but to people I love and care about.  Not to strangers.  She is a special person though, because her touch is kind and healing.  All right, time to turn over.  Now she can see my face and since I am still stuffed up my mouth will be hanging open so I can breathe.  I am sure it is a lovely sight to see.  Oh good, more time on my neck.  Oh how I needed this.  Thank you Brian for convincing me to call this afternoon and get in.  Great birthday present love!  Wow, this is that painful, but good part.  My neck has been killing me!  Thankfully she must feel it too.  She is working all the right parts.  I am going to be sore tomorrow though.  Oh no, back down to the feet, we are close to the end.  I should do this more often for myself.  Who am I kidding we have a wedding to pay for!  I need to send the deposit for the florist in this week.  Thankfully Lindsey emailed me or I would have forgotten the rest of our venue deposit is due on Wednesday.  It is hard to believe it is only six months away and we already have to work on the food selection and payment for that.  Awe, but it is so exciting!  Oh no, there goes the blanket back on the feet.  It has been an hour already?  How is that possible?  I do not want to sit up and put my clothes back on.  One more hour please?  Okay, let’s not be greedy.  Time to go.